I miss them, and I never knew them.

I don’t think I would call it melancholy, it is definitely reflective. I have spent a year of my life with Lucas and Jeanine. I have swum in my thoughts and feelings about them and searched desperately for them. Together we developed a relationship and they brought me to some really surprising discoveries about my process and myself.

I commented on my other blog that a parent who had lost a child looked at the Jeanine sculpture at the christmas party and said I have sculpted so much peace in her. His comment meant a great deal to me, because he too has suffered this loss. I documented the entire process of sculpting Jeanine for the book that I am writing, and shared it with the readers but in the end I step back and look at the piece and still wonder, how did we do this? I rejoice in thinking that the sculpture emits peace. Considering the pain in her life and the way that she died, finding this peace and capturing it has been very important to me. I know the parents will then see the peace in the sculpture and that will somehow help them.

But again, Lucas and Jeanine will soon be gone. They will be with their parents and for that I am happy. I will have the memories of creating and loving them.